Less Worried

For years I have been seeking a healthier response to fear.  It is not a natural change for me.  Jesus says that the birds have food without gathering and I ask myself “What about the bird I saw being eaten by ants?”  I tell myself that God will bless me, but I mentally replay those stories where someone finally started their life calling and was found dead the next morning.  I cannot seem to eclipse my fear with promises of provision.  In part because really really unpleasant things happen in the midst of God’s provision.

Working definition: anxiety is non-contentedness caused by uncertainty about future outcomes.  We are disturbed as we wait for results we cannot predict because we know they might not be favorable.  I have lost an immense amount of happiness to the fear of the future and the distracted thinking that takes me mentally far away from the goodness of the present.  Sometimes in the middle of beautiful time with family or part-way through a favorite hobby, my brain twitches and I lose my contentedness to a barrage of nagging worries.

I do not respond to anxiety with wisdom.  It is as if I place possible future outcomes under a microscope and examine the unpleasant ones obsessively.  This was previously beneficial for my performance at work and school because I identified all the safeguards I would need to ensure I succeeded.  Unfortunately, my post-teenage energy is not sufficient to oppose all the possible negative outcomes of my adult circumstances.  Now there are so many possible outcomes in my day and even hour, that I can only pay attention to a portion of them.  

I found a quick fix and I think it connects to a more holistic resolution.  I realized I can momentarily oppose anxiety by being grateful.  I place previously lived pleasant experiences under my mental microscope and focus on them.   I tell myself that I have been blessed with so many pleasant experiences that I would be a blessed man even if I died today.  I try to note my life in Christ as well and remind myself that this blessing outweighs any evil I may encounter.  My developing habit is helpful and I think it is part of a larger habit I need to practice: viewing God as an intimately involved, close-at-hand, and caring Father.  This Father trust is my best understanding of the ideal response to anxiety in our lives.